The Balance of Power

The Balance of Power

Regardless of how patient or understanding you are, power struggles are a very real problem that can affect your relationship without you knowing it. Have you been arguing? Are small issues like the dishes not being done, the garbage not being taken out or the laundry causing you both to fight? A power struggle is exactly what it sounds like – someone is trying to gain control over the other person. But why? Aren’t you both in a partnership? Didn’t you both realize you would have to compromise?

Anyone who’s been in a relationship long enough can tell you that you’re not always going to agree with each other. And that’s fine. You aren’t with the person you love because they will agree with everything you think and do. But when these disagreements become personal, when you or they start attacking, name-calling, eye-rolling or retaliating – a disconnect occurs and your communication fails.

You and your partner are probably more alike than you realize or remember. Sometimes the routine of everyday life can make us forget why we love that person. You may want the dishes done; they may find that not important at the moment. They may want the garbage emptied, you may be wrapped up in something else and not find it important just yet. There is no crime here. You have differing opinions and part of dealing with this is respecting each other’s opinions.

To begin with, politeness isn’t just for children. Saying please and thank you can go a long way. Adding on ‘honey’ or ‘dear’ adds a little love to a simple request. Remember that outside of your relationship your partner has their own life going on too. Asking, “Could you please take the trash out on your way to your game, honey?” is a lot better than saying, “Can you remember to take out the trash for once?” Try not to blame your partner or make them feel bad for not measuring up or not being able to read your mind. Refrain from guilt-tripping or getting even.

The real culprit here, though, is communication. If you want your partner to listen to you, you need to listen to them too. If you think they’re far too wrapped up in their own life and you can’t get through to them, counseling would be a good option to help you both relearn to communicate with each other. Struggling within the relationship to get the other to do something, even if it is to just listen, can be put to rest by learning to reconnect. Remember, a marriage is a team-effort at life. It’s not meant to be an on-going dispute or debate.